1815-1885. American humorist and lecturer.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
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I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
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Never work before breakfast. If you have to work before breakfast, get your breakfast first.
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Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to his fighting weight.
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Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
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It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.
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To bring up a child in the way he should go -- travel that way yourself.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
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One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
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