1835-1910. U.S. humorist, writer, and lecturer.
Honesty is the best policy when there is money in it.
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Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now.
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To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
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Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.''
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Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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